Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Day 348

So its morning enough to be last night by an easy margin. I’m lying in bed trying to go to sleep early as I want top condition myself to get up before noon, seeing as my test tomorrow is 9am. I’m lying there are that lovely cliché of woke up in the past passes through my mind.

Not a dream, just the thought. Well it would depend how far back I woke up. High school felt right. Before that would be rather futile I suppose. But I high. I wake up I’m in my old, old bedroom, and the first words out of my mouth are wtf. Then I start realizing where I am. Then I start realize what I don’t have. My swords aren’t mine yet, I’m not living n my own place, my clothes, my computers, my games, MY BOOKS, my notebooks it’s all gone. Or at least, it hasn’t been. So I have breakfast. And I hug my family. Tell them I love them. Don’t know why, I just want to I guess. so I go off to school. On the bike I use to have in high school. And it’s weird. I get to school, don’t know what class I’m suppose to go to/be in, but I park my bike where I use to, and I see a face from my past. One of those ghost moments. So I freak out a bit. I ‘m in a steady relationship then. Long term. Whole nine yards. My life hasn’t happened. A lot can happen in five or six years

So my mind reels. I’ve had four major regrets when it comes to people in my life. 2 or three of them haven’t happen yet. What do I do/ my mind jumps to the act of finding them. Tracking them down. Then I think back to high school. I was still in karate. So there I am. And I’m excited. I’m jumping off the walls for glee. I’m back. Things are incredibly simple. Everything makes sense in hindsight. So after class I pull one of the twins aside. My mind switches and while I’m leaving I talk to one of those regrets.

I don’t know where to go, what to do.

Should I do the whole causality fuck thing, invest in the market that I know will collapse; try to tell people the future. Should I pull a back to the future and fix my life. I don’t know.

I’m lost in the sea of time. I don’t think I want to find a raft, but I want clear sky. The sky over head is full of doubt and possibility. The age old question of what if looms.

And I want to ask it.

//this didn't get thrown online yesterday, for whatever reason it got pushed to the side.

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