Saturday, January 28, 2006

An Evolved Rant.

Why is school as it is? Are we too ignorant as a mass to learn by living, rather then reading about life? Why can’t I go live of the land to learn what nature is and how the earth works? Why do I need to take bio, geo and home ec if I can go live in the wilderness and do the same, infinitely better and have a good time that truly challenges me?

Why must I be forced to listen how to draw a line that connects to another to make a picture that someone sees as beautiful? Can I not look at the world, mimic what I love and try to reproduce it as I see fit? Why do I need something like art class to tell me what I like?

Why should I be forced to listen and waste my time and life to things that will serve me never? Will waiting for a piece of paper that tries to explain myself to me be a productive use of my life? Will listening to someone who knows more try and conform me to a class, career, political viewpoint, will that make me better then I would be if I simply spent some time looking at myself? Am I not good and smart enough to be the judge of what’s best for my interests?

Will living the life you’ve set down before me make you happy? Will my becoming another statistic in your eyes please you? Can I then do what I want with my life? No? I have to follow rules that do nothing? That grinds away at the sanity that was? Does being the only sane one in a crazy world make you twisted and warped? Yes? Society has failed to tolerate me, and I have failed to tolerate society.

I am no consumer, I am not the one you are looking for, I will not by the things around me, momentary bliss that turns to useless junk. I will not be controlled by your marketing. You think people like me; we think we want the whole world? If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't. May I never be content. May I never be complete. May I never be perfect. May I never buy what you sell. May I live how I see fit.

I buy the thing you tell me to. You say I should tell myself, this is the last thing you'll ever need in your life, no matter what else goes wrong, you've got the thing issue handled. Then the right set of clothes. Then the right home. The job. The life. You tell me, this is how you’re supposed to live; this is what your life is about, the purpose, to be a consumer in the gears of the world, a world that shows no mercy, kindness, memory or caring.

But I will not buy what you say to, I have Lived. I have seen how good this life of mine can be. I have watched the wave of people go past as I watch from my perch on the rock. The river of the damned, the people of the masses that go through life, living as if tomorrow will come. They may be long gone but the day will rise. Yes, the day will rise, but the sun will have forgotten your shadow, the earth will have rejected you being, you will fall and never pick yourself up. But I shall not. I shall live each as if it were my last. You think I am insane, messed in the head? I am sane enough to know you are not always my friend. You are there when it suits you, but not when I need you the most. But I live. I am me. Not the word, I am me.

And you shall never see, or hear or feel another like me.

I am the one you seek. You, the master of propaganda and media. But why me? I am not out to harm you. I am not out to be your adversary; it is neither my will nor purpose. I wish to live my life to the fullest. Every joy and bliss, every pain and torment. My scars show my life for what it is, not what a preacher spouts to console people who thought they knew me. But still, why do you hate me so? How have I earned your eternal wrath?

Ahh. The clouds part. You seek order out of the chaotic beauty. If you could, you would digitize the sunset to move it to where and when, at your convenience. That is why you pursue me. I am a light in your Black ordered world. I am what you hide from. I see the World as part of me. I embrace your Hell as my Heaven. I as the candle flame you try to blow out. And you name me so. I am the Adversary from the South, the fire ever lasting. I am the Morning Star from the East, whose light fills the air. I am the Independent Earth of the North, ever without master. I am the Deep Sea of the West, the great serpent you try to fish, only to destroy yourselves. You have named me such, and so I am. You call me a Heretic of Society. I merely live in your world and my own.

This is why you must condemn me. You do not understand my Way. You fear me, what I might do, what I represent. You shall not rest until you have purged the Change from your system, by any means necessary.

I do not fear your persecution, but what I might not accomplish with your interference. I am afraid of myself, the power inside, the confidence around, the urge and will to do great things. This is why I bound myself. That is why I refrain from announcing my message and my Way to the world, which is why I try to become a shadow in the crowd. But I am neither a shadow nor the crowd. If I choose to, I can become a wraith; one of those who meld the world to their whim, as they know law that you set is corrupt. It is now decadent, filled with loopholes and roundabouts to allow yourselves the joys you have denounced.

It is unfortunate for you that I will not bend to your will easily.

Numb my legs,
Bind my arms,
It will never
Do me harm.

Drug my mind,
Blind my sight,
It will never
End the fight.

Twist and warp,
Till I am tamed,
But what you seek,
Shall not be gained.

You battle to have
My life retaught
You will never
Straighten my thought

Carve my body,
Crack the stone,
I am whole,
Never alone.

I will fight,
Until death apart,
For I will never
Loose my heart.

No comments: