Of the many books im writting (few if any will ever see the ight of the sun) one is a collection of shortstories and plays. here, AFriend gives me a story she wrote that i thought had some serious potential. enjoy - A
This is the story I wrote for english class.... I can write but i cant edded for shit so can u do it for me cus ur very good at that apprently... lol =] its due like next friday buh i wanted to do this assignment so its done 1 week early. oooo and u no the answer to the riddle? the anything to the riddle is nothing. is today the last day of exams for u?b4 i was in liek a pissed at the world kind of mood now im feeling better so i wanted to email some more lol ok if i keep going on ill bore u soo please edded this thx =] by the way... i used the names of friends so sorry if i spelled ur last name wrong luv frum moi - AFriend
Since Raine was 12, she's had depression. But no one ever noticed, she never told, and she never showed it, it was a secret she kept between her and her diary. Raine has posted in her diary since her depression started, sometimes every day, sometimes in 7-day periods, she always ended up back to her diary to let her only friend know everything that's happening. She also has another hidden secret that no one will ever know, except her diary, during the summer it ends, but it might start again.
Monday, August 21st 1989
Oh my dear Diary, I'm sorry for not entering for so long, this summer has kept me busy, and I have met a boy. Such a sweet, loveable boy. Matt be his name. He is so charming! Oh Diary, if only you were a real person, I would show you him. We met on the beach, he lay there on the sand, staring out to the beach waters, soaking up the sun on his bare, tanned chest, his black hair spread half on his towel, half in the sand, his eyes were closed, and he lay so motionless. He looked like a dead angel, and a stunning one with that. I could not bare myself, I needed his attention somehow. So diary, I stripped out of my sundress, socks, shoes, down to my bathing suit. I headed down to the beach, making sure to walk past him, I made it so I accidentally kicked sand on to him, and then he sat up quickly to brush the sand off, I bent down and apologized profusely, smiling as I gazed in to his pretty soft blue eyes, oh Diary! If only you could see them! I couldn't help but wear this stupid smile; I stopped apologizing and just stared. I don't know what he was thinking, but he was staring back at me, smiling at me. I apologized again, and went to stand, but he grabbed my hand, oh diary, his skin was so soft, he told me it was okay, and asked me my name. That is how we met, diary. I am sorry for leaving you, I'll post in more often, I promise. I wrote a million poems for Matt. He is so amazing, I could not live without him, I seriously don't think I could, I love him so much. Till next time, Diary, thank you for listening.
Love you xoxox. -Raine
Monday, September 4th 1989
Dear Diary, I'm sorry, I didn't write, again, I'm sorry. I wish you were alive; I could use a hug and some tissues. Diary, he left me, he said he thought we were better as friends. He dumped me diary! On the first day of school too! I can't stop crying diary, I need him, and I love him so much. Now you're the only one I've got. Only you and Claire. But she'll leave me soon too, and I'll have just you, oh Diary, I can't stop thinking negative. Remember how I was like this last year? Then Matt took all the pain away, but now he's gone Diary! I can't do this! Diary, this is worse then before, I'm more messed up, now that I really am down to one friend, because Katie moved away. I can't cope, this is too hard. I don't want to go back to old habits, diary. It's 11:45pm, he dumped he exactly 8 hours ago. I didn't write in here sooner, because I was too shaky and hysterical. I loved him so much diary. This year for science I have Mr.Clarke, I hate him, and do you remember me telling you about him last year? He's horrible. My homeroom teacher is Mr. Steiner, he's cool. I hope this year is better then last year. I hope I feel better soon, I hate crying. I'm going to bed, to try to sleep. I love you diary, thank you for listening.
Friday, September 8th 1989.
Dear Diary, I was right! Sharon's gone! I'm all alone! Just you and me, and you're just paper that I write on, so what does it matter? Oh this is so awesome. That's sarcasm if you didn't realize. Soon enough I'll be back to old habits. I see Matt at school and he smiles and I cry. Claire accused me of lying to her; I bet she really just wanted to get rid of me so I wouldn't make her unpopular. Same with Matt, so I wouldn't cramp his style. I hate my life diary, I hate me. I bet if you were a real person you would leave me too. I hate school, I've already gotten an assignment in English, but its easy, just a poem. You know I love poetry. I've written a lot now. Back to my old style, you know the one I'm talking about. Well it's 12; I should go to bed soon. Probably won't sleep though, haven't slept properly for a week. Good night Diary, thank you, I love you
Thursday, September 14th 1989
Dear Diary, Oh diary, I'm so lost and so hurt, I have no friends, the school hates me, everyone doesn't want to be my friend, they all give me dirty looks and the popular girls and boys laugh and make fun of me. Matt and Claire included. I cannot take this diary, I need someone. Everyday I sit in the corner of the long hallway, sometimes reading, others just thinking, but someone always walks by and laughs at me because I have no friends. I want Katie to come back, I want Matt to love me again, he made it so easy Diary, he made me so happy. It was only a month or so, but it was the best of my life, and you could tell, couldn't you diary? Oh yeah, I got an A on my poem, I wrote it about Matt. The teacher said I was a very good writer, and he hoped to see more from me. I hope I never lose you diary.. You're all I've got diary, I hope you don't leave me. If you ever run empty, I'll get another just like you, I'm going to go read some, diary, good night, I love you
xoxox. Here's a poem. -Raine
Why do I get up in the morning?
I know what will happen today,
I'll just regret it all over again,
It'll be the same as yesterday.
I'll hide from the world at recess,
Hug myself during lunch time,
Try to escape all the names,
And try to come out feeling fine.
I'll come home with tears inside,
Hide in my room and let them run,
Staining my white pillow case,
Because the kids at school have won.
I try to isolate myself from them,
But their words are just too strong,
Breaking through my stone walls,
Making it so hard to carry on.
I let them tear my heart to shreds,
I believe in what they all say,
And I regret it with my tears each night,
So why should I get up today?
Days pass, October comes. Raine still has posted in her diary, with almost the same information, how she gets picked on, and she has to hide her pain from the world, how she misses Matt, Claire, Katie, and having a friend in general. School stresses her out with sudden assignments and pop-up projects. She has trouble focusing in class, her habits get worse, and her poems become more depressing. Shethe pain in her eyes; she hides it from and still smiles at her family, and hides the pain in her eyes. She hides from everyone, except her diary, which is filled with poems and entries of her life and pain.
Tuesday, October 10th 1989
Dear Diary, I got suspended. I have an in-school suspension for tomorrow. Want to know why? It's really stupid. Because Mr. Nazario said I couldn't wear my sweater during gym class, but I would never wear just my t-shirt, you know why. So he argues and tells me to take it off, but I wouldn't, so he wrote me up, and I got an in-school suspension. I don't care though, if I don't want to take my sweater off, I'm not going to. The whole class laughed at me though, I was red in the face; I was so angry and embarrassed at the same time. I just hope it doesn't spread around the school and when Matt and Claire hear they'll be laughing at me so hard, and making fun of me all year. I hate school, I hate life, everyone is so mean? It's only October and I already want to drop out and go run away and die. I want to move away, maybe go live with Katie. She would never hurt me. I'm going to bed; it's 1:34am. Love you diary, thank you for listening
Friday, October 13th 1989
Dear Diary, Friday the 13th, un-luck day, how true! Today at lunch I was sitting in my corner, writing in my notebook (poems of course) and then Claire and her group of friends came up to me, and started calling me names, and then they looked at my notebook and asked what I was doing, called me some more names, and then took it from me, after a struggle, I screamed at them but they ran off, I chased them and I told the duty but she didn't do anything, I ran out the front doors and walked the hour home. That's why I'm here now. Oh my God, I'm doomed. I hate life, I can't take this anymore diary, I want to end it soon. It's only 2:01pm; no one will be home for about 45 minutes, how long do you think it takes to bleed to death? What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm asking a piece of paper that I'M writing on, how long it would take to die. I must be insane. Absolutely LOSING MY MIND! Goods bye diary, I hope it's for life. Maybe if you're really a person, you'll meet me in Heaven. Unless I go to Hell for sinning. Either way, good bye. Love you, thank you for everything, good bye
xoxox. -Raine No More
Sunday, October 15th 1989
Dear Diary,Obviously since I'm writing again, my plan failed. I was so close, I was weak, and sleepy, everything was getting dark, like they explain in movies and books but Mom came home I'm screwed over, they want to send me to an institute and get a therapist, but I won't. If I go anywhere's, I'm taking you, I love you diary, got to go xoxox. -Raine
Sunday, October 22nd 1989
Dear Diary, It's been decided. I have to go to an institute, Green Day Institution. I stay there until I improve. I get to bring you, but I won't be able to write a lot. The whole school knows now, apparently the reason my mom was coming home early on the 13th was because the school called telling her I ran away, and Claire and them told the principle about my notebook. I'm scared, I don't think I can cope without you and my habit diary, I love you. I wish you were real, wish you could hug me. I wish Matt loved me. I still love him, though he hurts me. I haven't gone to school all week, I am sick, a little; I think it's from stress. I haven'twritten because mom has been watching me and I didn't want her to take you from me. I'm leaving on Tuesday for the institute. =( I love you, I'll write more tomorrow, I need sleep. Good night
Monday, October 23rd 1989
Dear diary, I'm scared now, I don't want to go. Everyone knows, my family keeps calling and being sympathetic and some won't call at all, apparently my cousin is ashamed, and doesn't want to ever speak to me again. I wish no one ever found out. I wish I died. I hate this. I hate everything. Why couldn't Matt love me? Everything would be okay if Matt just loved me. And if Claire never left, and if Katie never moved away. I needed them, they hurt me so bad diary.I told my mom everything last night, about everyone being mean and leaving me, and I cried, and she cried and hugged me, we hugged for like, 10 minutes. I love her, she said she was sorry she was never there for me really. I feel bad for hurting everyone. I only meant to hurt myself. I have to go, it's almost supper time and mom is going to take me down to the institute tonight to show me around, then we go there in the morning. I'll write as soon as possible diary, I love you
xoxox. Thank you for everything. -Raine
Raine posted in her diary once a week, talking about the institute and the people around her, about her improvements, how it was really slow, but still progressing. She came home for all holidays.
Wednesday, December 6th 1989
Dear diary, This will be my last entry from the institute. All my trainers say that I have improved very well, and I agree myself looking back at these pages I can tell that I am so much better. I look into mirrors and smile, rather then wishing I could smash it. I haven't written a poem, but if I were to, it would be something happy, I can tell. I'm glad that I am getting better. Mom says she can't wait till I get home. I leave on the 17th, I'm so excited. I want to see my family again, they visited in November, and Mom called me on a week or so ago. Diary, I'm getting better, I never thought I would! I want to thank you because you helped me through it all diary, I love you, thank you so much. There is only one more page left in you diary, and I will fill it when I get home with my last message, I love you, thank you for everything
Dear diary, This is the last page in this diary, and the last day of my depression. This diary will be nothing but a memory of something in my past. Thank you for being the only friend, and the best one. Even if you are only paper, you are the best. I love you so much, thank you for helping me survive my depression. I am done at the institute, but still see a therapist every week, I have made some new friends, and I'm going to a new school. Sharon and Nick both called me and apologized, and even a few people from school that pick on me. I got some get-well cards and a welcome home party. Katie and her family are here for Christmas. Everything is good, and it always will be. Thank you again diary, I love you
I Thought. I thought I'd never make it,That I was doomed for life,I thought life was too hard,That I would need the knife. But as the tears stop pouring,I stare straight at my mirror,I smile at myself, thinking,I'm very glad that I am her. Maybe I have scars on me,But now they are memories,And I have my old diary,The friend that set me free. I realize now, it's all okay, My friends do really care,I have support from many,And a family that is there. I thought I'd never make it,That depression was now me,I thought wouldn't be okay,
But now I'm forever happy.
By: Raine Martin, 15